Close encounter, listed by kind...
first kind - seeing a ufo
second kind - seeing the effects of a ufo: crop circles, scared animals, ...
third kind - seeing "animate beings" associated with a ufo
fourth kind - being abducted by an "animate being"!
(btw - I didn't already know that, just googled it.)
So last night I had a very opening-scene-to-a-horror-movie close encounter of arguably the
fourth kind. I had just dropped the Goose off at the airport for his week long business trip :( and was on my way home. It was just before 10 pm. The road to my house is a two laner with moderate traffic flow, but very few places to stop and hardly any street lights... so it's completely dark except for headlights. I'm cruising along, about halfway home when I see a
shadowy figure sluggishly slithering about on my dashboard... and by "dashboard" I mean a few inches in front of the steering wheel where the gas gage is. My car is very compact - so this is really close to me.
I immediately knew what is was! You however, do not... so maybe I should give you some backstory...
First of all, there are no snakes in HI - or so I thought... kidding, really it's not a snake. Last weekend I was walking in from the yard, barefoot, and suddenly felt this horrible pain shooting up my leg. I thought I had stepped on a thorn and got it stuck in my foot. But when I looked for the thorn, I found this thin clear, slightly curved, almost centimeter long thing stuck in my foot. It kinda looked like a really sharp cat claw, but much thinner. I thought, "weird thorn!" The next morning, on our way out to the beach I see this HUGE, ugly, black, crazy creepy "animate being" stuck under the crack of the door that separates our house from the neighbors garage apartment. Eww, eww eww! How could that thing be anywhere near our house... it belongs in the amazon jungle! Luckily it was dead - I think it was too fat to crawl under the door and it got stuck and died. The G rid-ed our house of the crunchy carcass.
Later that day my foot starts to itch where that "weird thorn" was. Like a bug bite... why would a thorn make a bug bite? Ahhhh.... the nasty intruder! He must have bit me on his way into the house and left a fang behind! No, that's crazy... surely I would've noticed if I stepped on something that big! Off to google to research bites, stingers, and fangs. Ok, if you've ever done an image search on something ookie, like a spider bite or growth on the eyelid (yes, I have done both), you know that the first pictures that come up are completely disgusting and make you think you need to run straight to the emergency room and be admitted immediately... like before the guy that got shot! I kept my cool, and decided I'm sure these skin-rotting-off pics are from people who are allergic, not the typical bite/sting. I decided to monitor my injury for a few days and see what happened... of course in my search I saw tons of images of this creepy animate being - G laughed at my because I was covering the pics when I was trying to read... it seriously made me want to vomit!
If that's not enough to make me terrified of this creature... the next night I hear G yell from the bedroom, "Bring me the paper towels." I assumed someone threw up in the floor or something normal and non-terrifying like that (the babies are here now - that's who would have thrown up in the floor in case you missed that, Jolene is having issues with her new food). Anyway... nope, it was terrifying. There was another huge one in our room, next to our BED! The cat had chased it down (yeah, she's a fearless beast!) and cornered it! Thank you Jolene! So I threw the paper towels to G, stood in next room, and looked away... I could not handle seeing this thing in my house after probably getting bit by one, finding a dead one, and doing a disturbing internet search... it was too much! After a few minutes, the poor G seemed to be getting nowhere in the battle. "You need a shoe!" I tossed him one. After another five minutes or so... and a lot of "He just won't die" 's later... the goose takes him outside and shows him whose boss. I don't know how exactly, but he assured me IT was dead. We tell our neighbor about this encounter (this is of the First kind mind you... the fourth kind is in my car... which I'll get back to later). He says the only way he's been able to kill them is by cutting their head off - and even then they might not die (I may have imagined that last part, my mind is foggy now.)
Ok... end backstory. Now we're in the dark car right after dropping G off seeing a shadowy slithery figure.... and
I am 100% sure what it is, as I've seen a million of them in the past week (in person, online, and in my mind when I think about getting up in the night to go pee, and instead decide to hold it). ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!?! This thing of my nightmares is
in my car! inches from me! in the dark! no street lights! nowhere to pull over! AHHHHH! flashlight app... YUP -
he's just as big and scary as his shadow was! I'm creeped out and shakey and don't know what to do. Surely someone will stop to help me... but then I'll look like such an idiot girl - the person wouldn't know that these things have been
terrorizing me for a week now, and one has finally abducted me! They would just think I'm a silly girl from the mainland that is scared of bugs. Not to mention they might abduct me too - altho, at the time that seemed preferable to getting back in the car with that monster! Of course, I call G... the one person who knows the backstory already, but can't help (I hear them calling for boarding in the background). ahhhh! I get off the phone so I can use my phone as a flashlight and keep an eye him - if I lose him I will never be able to drive my car again! Did I mention these things are practically
unkillable? I haven't a knife or a blow-torch, or anything like that (altho it prob wouldn't kill him anyway)... I'm just a girl with a flashlight app stranded on the side of the road! My best option is to get him out of the car... maybe I could run him over when I screech outta here, that might at least cripple him so he couldn't make it all the way to my house to find me! I find an Ace Hardware sale paper and decide I will fling him out of my car. The driver door is closest to him, and I'm certainly not flinging towards me, so I go the the passenger side with my sale paper... muster up the courage to fling, start to and get freaked out, start to again and get freaked out... ok, gotta do it this time... fling! Ok, it was a really crappy fling - there's no way that got him out... but where'd he go???? He's not where he was, in the seat, or in the floor... SERIOUSLY?!?!?!
I look for 10 minutes and conclude yes, this creature is loose in my car and I can't find him and I have to drive home. The only place he could be is in the crack behind the steering wheel - he musta fallen or scurried down there where I can't see him. Is home too far to walk? around 7 miles - I could do it, right? No, that's crazy. Call G again, he's right, I gotta drive this infested machine home. This
WORST realization ever! I re-search the car, my flashlight app shining on every inch of the front seat. He's hiding, waiting on his dinner, me, to surrender. Yeah, the thorn/sting/bite I got before hurt, it was awful, but it happened and was over. The girls that get killed right away in horror films don't suffer that much... it's the girl that's trapped in the house with the monster that keeps us on the edge of our seat. Stupid girl, why did you go into the house? Because
I had to drive that house of horror home!
Huew, Huew... I can do this! I sit halfway on the seat, get up, try again. Ok, I'm sitting the car - my light still pointed at the crack so he doesn't sneak up on me again. Try closing the door twice... no way, can't do it. Start the car, roll the window all the way down, ok, I can close it now. Cars coming, can't pull out... reopen door til it's clear - minimize the time I'm closed in here with him. Don't have to wait too long til there's a break in traffic. I slam the door, put three finger tips on the steering wheel and pull out... still holding the light at the crack with my right hand. Everything in my body was clenched and shaky... but I did it, drove all the way home with no sighting. Pulled into the driveway and BOLTED out of that death trap! Got bugspray and the neighbor, and set out to take revenge! As I'm sure you can guess, we were unable to find him. I soaked the steering wheel shaft with bugspray and we laid out grocery bags so we could hear him if he's roaming about. I don't feel very confident about this plan tho - it would be foolish to think bug spray would kill such a beast. I think I'll be a truck driver for the next week, maybe indefinitely. Sorry G.
Oh, yeah... of course there's evidence, see below. Or maybe not - you might not want to look... I myself will not look directly at this pic.